Silence and Solitude

One thing that is standing out to me at this stage in my life is just how much I enjoy being alone and quiet. I have always enjoyed the quiet and solitude that is to be had in life, those precious moments when you realize that you are alone and your thoughts can expand to fill the universe and there is no need to share them with another consciousness. Although I recognize that I adore solitude and silence, it troubles me how frequently I learn that people are afraid of it.

I bring this up because I am conflicted about something. I am extraordinarily fortunate to have friends that call me and ask me on a regular basis to hang out with them, to go drinking, to watch movies. What I am conflicted about is that more often than not, I turn them down. I am socially gifted, I put people at ease and I love being around people, but at the end of my day, I look forward to returning home, to silence, to reading, to running, to writing my thoughts and explorations here. I even drive home in complete silence 90% of the time to quiet my mind after 8 hours of pounding shopping music. I am not scared of socializing, I would just rather be alone or with my deep loved ones. How do I explain that? I guess in time the answer will obviate itself.

The flip side of this is the people that are afraid of silence and being alone, that must always have people around or have music playing. A friend of mine recently returned from a study abroad for a semester. He has been back for about 2 weeks and has sent me a slurry of texts, phone calls and stop ins to my place of work. I could tell that he was agitated and he explained that he does not do well with being alone and silence! I also was told by a different friend totally unrelated that she also has a hard time with solitude and silence, if she is alone and in the house, she has to put music on to alleviate tension.

What is this tension? Why are people scared of being alone and silent? It makes me sad to think of the anxiety that so soothing a thing as silence can cause in the minds of scared people. This brings to mind a passage that resonated with me in the book, The Wisdom of the Native Americans. "All who have lived much out of doors, whether Indian or otherwise, know that there is a magnetic and powerful force that accumulates in solitude but is quickly dissipated by life in a crowd." This passage was collected from the writings of Ohiyesa, or his white name, Charles Alexander Eastman. Ohiyesa dedicated his life towards the advocacy of Native American life and the passage is still applicable.

How can one ever hope to have a successful and happy life, ever hope to sustain a truthful and deep companionship or marriage, ever hope to exist wholly if they fear themselves?

"After the bath, we stand erect before the advancing dawn, facing the sun as it dances upon the horizon, and offer our unspoken prayer. Our mate may proceed or follow us in our devotions, but never accompanies us. Each soul must meet the morning sun, the new sweet earth, and the Great Silence alone."
- Ohiyesa